It's around the corner...

Valentine's Day, or Singles' Awareness Day, is around the corner.... What are your plans?

I know what I'll be doing and I'll keep you posted. Should be a good night though. :-)

I still can't believe it's February. Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my godmother's passing. I'll be heading home to visit her.

This last year has been a good and bad one. My friends and I would like to punch 2010 in the face.

I'm still human after all and I feel like I haven't really mourned her. I'll tell you... My godmother was really my godmother, but that was the easiest way for me to describe her. She was like my second mother. She had known me since I was in my mother's womb. She and my "godfather" treated me like their own - spoiling me like they could and there have been times when she was there when my real mother wasn't there for me.

We got along like mother-daughter. We fought like mother-daughter.

She had been sick since September of '09, when she was in the hospital for a stint and I was driving back and forth (2 hours each way) between parties to check in on her. I remember being so stressed that I lost so much in a short time that my skinny (ya know, the ones we keep around hoping we'll fit in them again one day) we falling off of me. I had known her my entire life and I wasn't used to seeing her so physically weak and her mind not so sharp at times. She was still feisty though. She was always feisty.

Anyway... Work saved me when she passed. The day I got the call that she had passed, I did a party that night. I had to. I needed to. I didn't want to think about how she was found. I didn't want to keep making calls back and forth with the coroner to get the results of the autopsy. I didn't want to think about the last phone conversation that we had or that i had just seen her a week or two before. I think I only nearly broke down once. And then right after, my boyfriend at the time drove me back home got us a hotel room so I could get her funeral arrangements done.

I don't know how people do it. I was so fortunate that she had already pre-planned and prepaid everything. The only decisions I had to make were to pick her outfit and pick the day and time (even she had a preference for time). I don't think my brain would have been able to process it all.

It's been a year. There's been a fight with with the life insurance company. We're still dealing with the estate because it's taken so long to clean out the house. Trying to sell it.

I feel like maybe I'm not ready to let go of the house. I lived in that house for most of my childhood. She lived in it when she was younger. She and my godfather moved in after my family and I moved out. So part of me feels like when I sell the house, I'm losing the last bit of her.

How do people do it? How do folks handle estate issues so quickly??

My work started to take a hit once the spring ended. My heart wasn't into my business anymore. I never thought that would happen. It shows in my sales for the last half of the year. Ugh. The reality of her death started to hit me more and more.... Slowly.

I don't know when it will fully hit me. I'm good at pushing my feelings deep down inside.

Anyway... Sorry for getting all serious and sad. But the "Sex Toy Lady" is still human after all.

Aaand... If you know anyone who'd want to buy a fixer-upper house on 2 acres of land in southern Lancaster county, send them my way.


~ Pleasure Pamela
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